last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
no, he came in my armpit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
