she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
