There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
