He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
