i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
