My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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