when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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