I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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