He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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