If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
