Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
