Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
