like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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