I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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