My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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