we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
