Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
