Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
