Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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