Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
