How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
