y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She is in my trunk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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