In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize