I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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