i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
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other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.