I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..