I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!