sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.