Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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