It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to