Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
