Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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