Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
