ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
