Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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