her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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