Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
