i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
