If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
