doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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