Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
