HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
