I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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