i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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