I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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