Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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