That's when you crack a 10am beer
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
