I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
