I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
