I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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