Sry I called you an 8
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
