I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
