Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
