I CAN MOONWALK!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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