wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dear god my vagina.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
