It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
