so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
