I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
