can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
