Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
