yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
