Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
