we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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