I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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