It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
