260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
