Its about making memories worth repressing
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
