I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
