I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
