I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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